Monday, June 21, 2010

...happy father's day to me...

(This is not an autumn shot - the leaves and mountain are gold due to golden rays of the setting sun on Father's Day.)

Sometimes things are not done right the first time.  A lapse, a mistake, a betrayal, an abandonment, a folie - and something essential to healthy human development can be lost, overlooked, left undone.  The wonderful news is that there are usually second chances.  A second chance to do what was not done right the first time.  Sometimes there are third, fourth and fifth chances too.

Yesterday, I had the joy of watching my children come to show their love and appreciation to their father for his years of devotion to their well-being.  To see them attend to him, embrace him and offer little concrete tokens of deep appreciation was beyond heart-warming.  Even his granddaughters insisted on getting in on the tributes, cuddles and reminiscences.

I have watched this man give the attention and love to his children - fatherly attention that I never received as a child.  Being an up-close observer, in this way, of  true fatherly love was a healing experience for me.  I am sure, that over the years, some of my father-starved cells underwent deep, fundamental repair by just being privy to, by being in close proximity to, good, healthy fathering.  Life did not give me a good family-of-origin father, but life has afforded me so many loving opportunities to experience up close and personal what good fathering can be.  Pure balm to my wounds.  Balm that closed the wounds.

I do not look for any sympathy here.  It is not needed.  The wounds have long since healed - thanks in large measure to a vicarious experience of fatherhood - watching my dear man father our children as children deserve to be fathered.  He has thus offered me a reparative experience.  I must tell him, although I think he knows.

May I add that it was especially touching and healing to read many of your loving tributes to your fine fathers.  Sharing some of your memorable experiences with your Dads, offers those of us who did not have those sweet intimacies and sharings a moment of vicariously experiencing fatherly attunement to a child's needs.  Thank you for your posts.  They did not make me sad or envious - rather deeply grateful for all the fine father energy available for any of us to tap into - for fifth, sixth and seventh chances, etc. - if we are alert to notice and absorb them.

You don't have to be a father to have a happy Father's Day!


  1. This is as much a love letter to your children's father as to your husband.

    Take care of each other.

  2. glad you had a happy fathers boys loved on me and overall it was a relaxing day...i would trade nothing for being a father...

  3. How nice! It's a beautiful tribute and it warmed my heart. My father wasn't the best father in the world, either, and I marvel at how my husband just jumps as the chance to be around our children and their children.


    I so loved this personal piece of writing. I find your healing most inspiring. Your images and shred hope purposeful and enlightening. Hallelujah!!

    Love to you
    peace and hope......

  5. My husband enjoyed visits from our daughter and two sons...a great day for me too!
    Your post emphasized that for me, Bonnie!


  6. What a beautiful tribute to quality fathering and your husband. Very cool!!

  7. What an absolutely phenomenal post, Bonnie!! You are simply remarkable!!! Love you, Janine XO

  8. What a lovely tribute to your husband. Perhaps you had to have the experience you did to understand how this man you love has helped heal you. How lucky he is.


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