Friday, February 19, 2010

disappointments

 

Now how liberating is that?!!  To view disappoinments as dis-illusion-ments flips our usual response on its head.  Disappointments usually sadden one.  But to be disabused of one's illusions - now there lies the gift in every disappointment.
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27 comments:

  1. Nice turn of phrase/word! Think I'll put this to a friend of mine who is continually disappointed by her fellow humans.

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  2. nice...all it takes is a little perspective...

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  3. What a fabulous way to look at disappointment! I will definitely remember this advice. Thank you!

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  4. Wow, provocative thought... now how do you get your emotions to get in line with those very thoughts? So often, disappointment is filled with sadness, and rejection and anger. Although sometimes just having the new frame of reference may help get those emotions to dissipate more quickly... I must go chew on this... thanks for making me think :)

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  5. Once again, I am glad to be here. What a great thought, Bonnie. And I was just thinking how, being immersed in nothing-ness, you could possibly be disappointed. This is a strange form of encouragement I derive from this post, but immensely valuable. Thanks again...as always. EFH

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  6. Deborah: Yes, as the Buddhists say, it is our expectations (desires) and clinging to them that cause suffering. Buried in Richo's suggestion is the idea that we need to look at what we were expecting rather than how the other person did not live up to those expectations. Expecting others to always fulful our desires, maintain our projections, 'be perfect' is a childish stance toward life.

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  7. Brian: Broadening one's perspective is SO freeing!

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  8. Angela: I'm glad you think it could be helpful to you.

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  9. Vicky: Yes, if we can take the focus off of what the other person did or did not do - and take responsibility for our role in setting ourself up for disappointment, it can help. E-motions come and go. We can allow them and try not to cling to our hurt or pain - and they will move on into another emotion.

    Just realizing, too, that we cannot control anyone else - but we can control/manage OUR expectations may assuage some of the hurt. People do what they do, and why do we operate under the illusion that they will conform to our standards, keep their promises, treat us as special, always be available, etc.

    Once I am disabused of my illusion and expectations, I am more able to look clearly at whether lowering my expectations, reducing my need for control, being less demanding, releasing the need for imperfect humans to be perfect, etc. will reduce my suffering.

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  10. Expat: Good point. This is 'advice' for our ego. In moments where we have transcended ego, realized we are no-thing and every-thing, we cannot be disappointed. Disappointment, disillusion, projection, expectation, need for control - are all ego functions. Since most off us go through our day identified with ego (to function in the world) we may as well learn ohow to manage ego's idiosyncrasies in a skillful way.

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  11. Hey Peeps - please excuse my typos - I have some crazy virus or ad trying to invade my life here by dominating my screen and half the time I cannot see what I am typing.

    I will have to disabuse myself of the notion that my work at the computer should be glitch free!!! I am taking a deep breath and trying to free myself from that illusion - and (Vicky!) the feeling of frustration accompanying the illusion. :-)

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  12. Hi, long-lost twin sister!
    y-e-e-e-e-s. There is a lot of truth in that and it is good not to have too many illusions, So, yes, I can agree with that. Albeit a qualified agreement. Personally, I sometimes cling to an illusion deliberately, I know I'm kidding myself, but I still like to hug an illusions to myself; or perhaps that is just wishful thinking? As long as I an illusion doesn't get in the way of reality!

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  13. Hi twin, me again.
    Just thought you'd like to know that a friend of mine, whom I have been trying to get to start blogging, has discovered your blog after I pushed her gently in your direction. She found the book by Muller which you have recently mentioned, bought it and finds that it answers a lot of her questions.

    She is a very dear friend who has had a problem or two in her life and she also finds you blog very helpful at times.
    She won't mind if you publish this comment.

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  14. HI BONNIE-

    I know exactly of which you write. Oh yes, excellent phrasing indeed. I sought such dis-illusionment, knowing it would be hard to hear but also so freeing. It never came :-( And in that lacking I so appreciate your expressions here today.

    Love Gail
    peace.....

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  15. I really like this one. I can see how it really works that way. I recently had an experience that validates this quote to a T.

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  16. Hey Friko! Yes, I think your last phrase is key - as long as we don`t lose touch with reality. Otherwise, when it sinks home that the illusion is only that - we set ourself up for more - yes, disappointment. Accepting what is, is key - not easy - but key. I have to remain conscious or I slip back into my illusion that I can change `what it` for something more to my liking or control things. HA!

    Thank you for the `referral` - I`m glad your friend found something of value here.

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  17. Thank you... your explanation just clicked for me! Very Tolle-ish... and oh so freeing! Good stuff.

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  18. Yes, Bonnie. It's trying to be clear and see clearly all the time. A lack of illusion. Thank you.

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  19. Bonnie, I really like the quote. Take care.

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  20. That's a very good concept and one I shall keep. The middleway is definitely best, mindfulness always, though elusive at times it's an honest way to be.

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  21. To be disabused of one illusions can be terribly painful, however liberating it may be in the end.
    still it's a terrific notion to play around with.

    Next time I feel disillusioned, I'll try it on for comfort.

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  22. Elisabeth: It is painful to give up our illusions - but isn`t that an essential part of the process of becoming an adult? We have to let go of the illusions that we will be forever central, forever protected, exempt, favoured, included, totally free, perfectly understood, .... etc. etc.

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  23. Now THERE's the silver lining!

    Way to turn it around!

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