Lessons From Mary

One of my dearest friends was a  professor at the university where I was a student.  We actually met when I became her teaching assistant.  She was teaching a class on the psychology of groups and group dynamics.  It was an experiential learning environment, where students are formed into groups, given a task and then asked to apply the group development theories they were learning to what was happening in their groups.  Students loved her classes because they were not the usual and often boring lecture format.  Through a lot of work, learning and laughter, we became steadfast, lifelong friends.  I learned so many things from Mary, here are a couple:

When we would be together, marking papers, preparing a class, going out for a bite to eat after a class, we would chat about all kinds of things.  Sometimes, I would tell her about personal challenges, ranting  on about how my feelings were being ignored, or I was not getting my way.  Mary would only listen for a brief time - then she would gently interrupt and say:

Mary:  "Stories in your head."

Me:  Huh?

Mary:  Stories in your head.

Me:  Yes, but now I'm telling you about it, so it is not just in my head anymore.

Mary:  You are spinning a story in your head that has moved way beyond the actual event.

Me:  Huh?

Mary:  You are assuming based on what so-and-so did, that you know what he was thinking.

Me:  Yeaaaah.

Mary:  You don't know what he's thinking or what motivates him unless you ask.  Did you ask?

Me:  No.

Mary:  Then it is just a story you are fabricating in your head.

Me.  Alrightyyyy then.            End of Story

With several conversations of this nature - "stories in your head again, Bonnie", I finally 'got it', and when I had a situation to discuss I stuck to what had actually happened and what had actually been said, and not weaving in MY story or spin about what it meant, or why they did it, or what their motivations were.  This spared me a lot of angst and saved a lot of life energy.

This has become a phrase I use with myself, my children, and sometimes my clients:  "Story in your head."  It's a way to catch oneself before you spin some tale about what is happening in your life, that has little basis in reality.  It is often these very stories that we spin that cause our suffering.  Eliminate the story (not truly rooted in reality) and you will eliminate much of your mental and emotional pain.

In a way it reminds me of an TV show my mother used to watch years ago called, Dragnet.  I think it was Sargeant Friday who would interrupt witnesses to a crime as they babbled on and say:  "The facts, Ma'am - just the facts."

Another thing I learned from Mary was how to manage myself when I was having a strong reaction to something.  If I was upset, ready to lash out, tell someone a thing or two, scream, - whatever - Mary said "Before you react, take a breath and just get curious."  Huh?  "Just be curious." 

Ask yourself - what is going on here?  Do I really have to take this personally?  Do I understand the other person's situation, context, need, hurt?  How will it help the situation for me to be reactive?  What other choices do I have?  Could I simply and quietly seek clarification with the person?  Could I say, I felt hurt by the comment or action, and need some time out to regain my composure, and then we will need to talk about it?

By taking a step back and being curious, I was in effect stepping out of reactionary ego-mind, and approaching the situation from my more centered Observer Self.  (We all have one, BTW.)

So Mary (and I have since learned buddhists, taoists, etc.) suggest that instead of reacting to a situation, step back, breathe and be curious.  Observe your own tendancy to react.  Be curious about where that reaction comes from.  Be curious about whether giving in to your reaction will solidify your connections or break them.

Stephen Levine, a buddhist teacher, suggests something similar when he says:  "Respond TO the reaction/feeling not FROM it.  Take time to think about that.  When you respond FROM a feeling such as anger or indignation, the feeling envelopes you and your words, actions, intent are all colored by the feeling. 

If you respond TO your own feeling (not from it) it might go like this:  Hmmm, I notice (the observer) anger rising up in me, what is that about?  How am I feeling threatened?  What am I afraid of losing (besides my temper)?  Would reacting from the anger arising, be the loving or compassionate thing to do?  Can I state my case, set limits, express my feelings in an assertive way without being aggressive?  Is this more about me than the other person - and do I need to sort this out with myself before I respond to him/her?

When you respond TO instead of FROM you are acknowledging that the feeling is there, and then making a conscious choice as to whether it is appropriate or not to express it.  You may very well choose to express it - and then it will not be a knee-jerk reaction, but a considered one.

So as Mary said to me one day:  "When the sh** hits the fan, that is the time to be curious."  You always still retain the option to react, if you choose.

This is also much like the Byron Katie four question approach, where when you notice a strong reaction or judgment you become curious or inquire of yourself "Is it true?".  Usually it is not - and you can move into a place of equanimity rather than judgment or hurt.

So just as one feels curious when they see a gate or a meandering path - wondering what lies down that path or behind that gate.  Perhaps you stop and consider what could happen if you open the gate and walk through:   will it be a peaceful, rewarding walk, will you be attacked by guard dogs that you cannot see at the moment, are you entering foreign territory, is there another route to the same goal for you, will you be trespassing or intruding???

 

So too with our thinking.  If we get curious - we will notice if we are entering through a gate that will slam shut behind us cutting off future options;  we can question whether our thoughts and or reactions will lead us down the most productive path;  we can determine whether our reactions would lead us on a path of compassion or a path of judgment and disconnection.

Be curious about your own reactions/feelings and about the stories you spin in your head.

Are they helping you get where you want - or do they make you weave all over the place, sap your energy, and dismantle the connections you have built?

Voila, a couple of the valuable lessons I learned from my friend and mentor, Mary.  Thank you Mare.

ask your heart

Go to your bosom
Knock there,
And ask
Your Heart
What it doth know

William Shakespeare

Gentle Me . . .

This poem by Ted Loder has been scribbled in one of my journals for several years.  It says everything I want to remember as I embrace another day.  It reminds me how I want to live my day, how I want to be open, receptive, entranced, joyful, unclenched and gentle.  I hope it speaks sweet things to you too.

don't you just love a great big hug?

The Cure Within

Seven things you probably don't really want to know . . .

Val from monkeys on the roof has given me this Kreativ Blogger award. Thank you Val, so kind of you. Receiving an award is certainly an honour, and as I am finding out, entails some responsibility and a bit of time too. I have to reveal some "interesting" things about myself and choose 7 other bloggers to whom I wish to pass on the award.

This is the Kreativ Blogger award and the rules are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

So here are seven things about me that you probably don't know and I will leave it up to you to decide whether you find them "interesting":


1. I live in Quebec, Canada the part of Canada populated by descendants of French immigrants. French is the official language of Quebec. Our children all attended French elementary schools and they are now perfectly bilingual. My husband and I have friends who are bilingual, unilingual English and unilingual French. We conduct most of our business affairs in French. When I go shopping, for example, all the conversation with storekeepers, etc. is in French. I did not study French in school and only began to learn it when I moved to Quebec after getting married. I have an English accent when I speak French, whereas the rest of my family have no accent - because they learned the language from an early age.


2. While I appear fairly gregarious, I actually lean more to being an introvert. I am not a social butterfly, preferring small intimate gatherings over larger ones. I have learned in this extroverted North American culture to function on a similar level - but I really need and treasure my quiet, alone time.


3. I have a good sense of humour (some call it "wicked") and love to laugh and make others laugh. I probably spend too much time in the right side of my brain.


4. I love Japanese food. Italian food ranks up there too. Montreal is a fabulous city for dining out. Here, you do not eat and then proceed to a concert or a movie. Dining out is almost a religion among French Canadians, and the dining experience is meant to last the whole evening. We go out with the same 2 French Canadian couples every Friday night to try out new and different cuisines and restaurants. Come to Montreal and we'll show you a fine time!


5. When I was a child and teenager, I believed I would live forever on earth, that I had a direct line to God and to Truth, and that it was my duty to warn people that if they did not change their ways they would be destroyed at the Battle of Armageddon. Crazy? Delusional? Perhaps. More likely, misled and indoctrinated by the religion I was raised in, which would be known to you as Jehovah's Witnesses. Yes, I was one of those people coming around knocking on your door to get you to buy little religious books and magazines.


Every member of my immediate and extended family was a J.W., except for my father, who finally disappeared from our lives, to get away from the religion's choking clutches. I hated the meetings, Bible studies, and especially the requirement to go door-to-door. I was a shy child/teenager, and it mortified me to have to disturb people with information they clearly did not need or want. I felt trapped - unable to articulate my questions or preferences in an environment that discouraged any critical thinking. It took me several years to work up the courage to leave, because I knew none of my friends or relatives would be allowed to speak or associate with me if I did. My family and friends were fine people and I had difficulty contemplating a life without them.


It seemed my only choices were to pretend I wanted to be one of them and thereby keep my family and friends whom I loved; or, speak my truth, leave, and be cut off by my family and friends. I had already lost my father. I was loathe to lose my mother and sister and everyone else I held dear. I chose to stay for a while, but truly felt I was killing something inside by so doing.


6. I finally left the Witnesses when it came time to train my first child in their ways. I could not. I would not. I was considered an apostate for choosing to leave their God and their Truth, and as I expected was shunned by all my friends and family. My mother and sister did (against counsel from the religion's elders) maintain a friendly but superficial relationship with me. It was difficult at first, but I am so happy with the choice I made and my children often thank me for having made it.


7. Because of being raised a Jehovah's Witness, I am a late bloomer. Witnesses discourage higher education. They know it will expose you to a world of information and expose them as being the very false prophets they decry. And although I was offered scholarships for university, I went along with the "programme" and immersed myself in their door-to-door and Bible study activities. It was stultifying. Once free, I then proceeded to get a good education a little behind schedule - but better late than never. I did my graduate degrees at a French university.



There you go - more than you ever wanted to know about me. I introduce this information about my religious background, because one of my interests is the effect of fundamentalist religion on people who are indoctrinated in childhood. I will probably post on this at some point in the future.




And now, I am to pass this Kreatif Award on to 7 other bloggers. There are so many deserving people I don't know where to start and I know some people are not keen to receive these awards feeling they have already received enough. So I will choose 7 and if, per chance, you do not want to participate, that is of course up to you.

1. Aysegul at Turquoise Diaries

2. Steven at the golden fish

3. Expat From Hell

4. Calli at within shades of grey exists a place

5. Jill at Sneaky Momma Blog Design

6. Nancy at Life in the Second Half

7. Delwyn at A Hazy Moon

The Pleasures, Perils and Responsibilities of Blogging

I would like to adjust Longfellow's words, just a little (forgive me Longfellow):

If we could read the secret history

of our fellow bloggers, we should find in

each person's life, sorrow and

suffering enough to dismantle all barriers.

On 23/8 the post here"Unknown Endings" produced a lively discussion of the hopes, risks, ennuis, satisfactions and inherent responsibilities of blogging.

Delwyn, apart from her initial insightful comments, left a summary of what others had said in their comments. I suggested the material was so good she should post the summary, and she has done just that today. I hope you will go to her site (click here) read her post and continue the discussion or add new input if you missed the first go-round here.

Come Meander Down This Path With Me

If you could meander down this path for an hour let's say, with a person you either truly admire, would like to get to know a little better, or are simply curious about, who would it be?

I would love to bring John O'Donahue back from the dead to spend a while with him - to just hear the music of his words - the purr of his Celtic brogue. John wrote Anam Cara and Beauty: The Invisible Embrace. His thoughts and words entrance me. He left too soon.

Another choice I could make, for today (because it might be someone else tomorrow) would be, Byron Katie, originator of the 4 questions for self-inquiry and writer of several books, two of which are: Loving What Is and A Thousand Names for Joy. I would like to experience her radiant, calm, accepting energy.

Another is Irvin D. Yalom, M.D. as I so admire his work. I have read his book Existential Psychotherapy several times. He has also written a book about several of his most interesting cases which is called Love's Executioner an interesting read for everyone. Yalom also writes novels, the best of which in my opinion is When Neitzsche Wept.

Richard Dawkins author of The Selfish Gene and The GOD Delusion would also interest me if I wanted a stimulating, provocative discussion.

However, this exquisite path looks like it deserves a respectful, reverent silence so maybe it would simply be my own company that I would seek.

And you? Whose company would you seek if you could have an hour or two alone to stroll and converse surrounded by the beauty in the above image? Would you seek out an ancient master, a great muscian, a world leader, a religious leader, a lost family member, a great thinker, an old school chum, an explorer, a famous scoundrel? Who?

~~ duality ~~

This is a collage I did from old zen/buddhist calendars. I like the silhouette effect and the misty, mysterious wooded areas in black and white. The monk appeared in the original calendar as an attached, whole being, but if you have read any of my previous posts, you know I have a propensity for cutting up images. I quite like the schizophrenic slash in this piece.

I took pictures of the collage, including some closeups of sections of it. Here is one close-up with a quotation from Rumi added. Hope you enjoy the effect and the thought from Rumi.

When I look at the two of them together here - I see the monk below has abandonned the duality I imposed on him above (or at least you don't see it - oops now that I'm paying attention I see he lost his head too). Come to think of it, in order to abandon duality we pretty much do have to lose our dualistic head/mind!

"Friend, you lie quiet . . ."

Friend, you lie quiet,

watching the dawn light color your heart,

dreaming of healing for your hurt body

laying there unanswerable to your will.

You breathe deep and your breath has two sides: inside and outside.

You are on both, being breathed.

The future approaches. You will heal or

you will go back to being God.

Which will you do?

Oh by all that is beautiful --

May it be that you live!

May your body heal happy and whole!

May energy fill and Delight you!

May we join the dance your presence gives!

May you live!

And if you die?

Oh dear self, by all that is beautiful,

Know you are Safe! Everything is All Right

Forever and Ever and Ever

The most wonderful, exquisite, familiar

Truth is what is True, and wecomes you.

It will be very easy.

You lie quiet now, praying.

A great healing is coming

and you want to be ready.

The colors of your heart blend

with the light of the morning

You are blessed.

Elias Amidon

Elias Amidon is a Sufi Master and Co-Director of

The Boulder Institute for Nature

and the Human Spirit

. . . why are you waiting . . . ?

Why are you waiting to begin your life?

Do you think the world must care and come soliciting?

Listen to the knocking at the door of your own heart

It is only faint because you have not answered

You have fooled yourself with preparations

Time left laughing while you considered possibilities

Wake up you have slept long enough

Wake up tomorrow may be too late

When you finally dare open the door your life will begin arriving

Cautiously at first, unbelieving that the gate

So long locked against the tide has finally been opened

Then with swells of neglected dreams

Then with waves of joyful revelation the sea will follow

You will be swept by the full and magnificent tides of your own longing

That no one else can give you

That no one else can claim

Judith Gass

unknown endings . . .

I haven't been keeping to a normal routine of late. Have had bronchitis for the last 6 weeks and while the dry cough is annoying, it is the fatigue and weakness that have kept me close to home. This has, however, given me a lot of time to think. One of the things I have been thinking about is people who have come and gone out of my life . . . I am struck by how many life stories there are to which I will never get to "read" the final chapters. It seems obvious when I commit it to the page. Of course this is the case. How could it be otherwise. But this thought has been re-visiting and confounding me of late.



It kind of boggles my little mind to think I will not know how my children's lives unfold in their later years. I will most likely not know the "end of their story". Perhaps this is a normal thought for someone in the autumn of their years . . . I guess you can see I am trying to figure out the need buried in the quandry. Why do I need to know the end? Why am I preoccupied right now with not knowing how things turn out for people I care about?

As a therapist, my work is about hearing the intricacies of peoples' life stories. Yet, they do their work and move on . . . and most of them I never hear from again. I do know the end of certain chapters in their lives - but I will not get to know the completion of their life story. I would have thought that the experience of being a therapist would make me more comfortable with not knowing.

Even here in this intriguing world of blogs where intimacies are revealed through smoke, mirrors, masks and veils, there are stories with which I am engaged, but will never really know the final outcome. What happens when someone whose talent I admire, whose insights I seek out just stops blogging? I have the image of so many stories left open and unfinished.

So, is this about my need to know - my need to have everything neatly tied up with a pretty string - my core curiousity about people and unfoldings? I'm not sure. I am just aware that it feels like a possible loss . . . like something I am preparing to grieve. Perhaps I am becoming aware of a certain risk of engagement here with some of you . . . the risk that I can look forward to your next post and our little interactions and you can just disappear.

Of course, that is fundamentally the risk of all relationship. We risk reaching out, opening up, letting in . . . knowing all the while that nothing is secure, there are no guarantees. Yet risk we must - because to be human is to relate and to connect - even though there are many connections where we will never know the end of the story. I must better integrate what I know to be true of life: we will lose or leave everyone we love, and we must love anyway.

About to be 100 !!

I am enjoying this blogging adventure.

Have met many talented, interesting, kind people.

I would like to thank everyone who has become a follower,

and all of you who take your precious time to comment

and interact with me.

This is quite a learning experience and has

turned out to be much more than I ever anticipated.

I remember just over two months ago when I had

but one follower! Never thought I would get to 100.

So I will be watching closely to see who number 100 is --

I hope it's you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number 100 has arrived:

Turquoise Diaries

who posts to us from

Istanbul, Turkey

Welcome Turquoise Diaries!

Causes and Effects

We cannot live only for ourselves.

A thousand fibers connect us . . .

and among those fibers,

as sympathetic threads,

our actions run as causes,

and they come back to us

as effects.

Herman Melville

. . . honored again . . .

Dear Barbara of A Bird in My Hand has honored me with the Bella Sinclair Award. Thank you so much Barbara. I am feeling doubly honored having received this same award earlier in the week from Sarah of Cottage Garden Studio. The originator of this award, Ces, explains why she created this award as follows:

"I designed this award to celebrate art in the blogs and to honor the value of friendship, sisterhood, sharing and caring. It is to be awarded to the gifted, accomplished, eloquent and talented blogger whose friendship and influence inspire us to do our best. That I named it after Bella Sinclair is because she epitomizes all of these things and these qualities are symbolized by the Quercus lobata or Valley Oak, a handsome and graceful tree with a sturdy trunk, up to 5 ft in diameter and 120 feet tall, the largest western deciduous oak.





I would like to pass this award on to three deserving bloggers whose sites I visit frequently and have very much enjoyed:

Jazz from Haphazard Life

Jenn Jilks from My Muskoka

Sandra from Worlds End Farm This and That

Congratulatory comments are not necessary here for me folks -I had so many the other day for the same award and that will suffice. Thank you. Check out Jazz's, Jenn's, and Sandra's blogs if you do not know them already. Come back soon! :)

underneath queen anne's lace !!

Queen Anne's Lace shot from underneath. Enjoy this little white bouquet posted with my gratitude for your visits and kind comments.

An Award!

Today I was honored to receive the Bella Sinclair Award from Sarah at Cottage Garden Studio. On her blog, Sarah explains that this award was originally created by Ces of Ces And Her Dishes for Bella of Bella Sinclair Doodlespot. I borrowed a quote of Ces from Sarah's blog where Ces explains the meaning of the award:

In Ces's words..."I designed this award to celebrate art in the blogs and to honor the value of friendship, sisterhood, sharing and caring. It is to be awarded to the gifted, accomplished, eloquent and talented blogger whose friendship and influence inspire us to do our best. That I named it after Bella Sinclair is because she epitomizes all of these things. She is an inspiration to many of us." "

Thank you again, dear Sarah, for thinking of me.

I have never received a blog award before, but from what I have observed it is encumbant upon the recipient to pass it on. I would like to pass the Bella Sinclair Award on to:

Alaine of eclectique in Australia

Friko of Friko's Musings in Great Britain

Rose Marie of APOGEE Poet in New York State

There are so many others to whom I would like to have passed on this award, but thought I would limit it to ones who, like myself, do not seem to have received one yet. (Perhaps, they have and have not posted them on their blog - but from what I can see they are award virgins like myself.) I was also limited by the word "sisterhood" in the award, so that I did not pass it on to some male blogger friends that I think are equally deserving. Not to worry - your time will come!

temporarily "out of sorts"

This, friends, is how I am feeling tonight after having minor surgery this morning. My stiches, however, are on my forehead.

I am thrilled to see that once the stitches are removed, I will have a "Z" scar on my forehead - as my last name begins with Z. Perfect! I could say my DB branded me. Or I could claim I awoke to find the mark of Zorro on my head. But, my DB says the top crossbar of stitches is not long enough to form a true "z", and that it really looks like an "L" - yea, I know for "Loser" - then again "L" could stand for many things: loser, lover, looney, luscious . . . . This is going to be a lot of fun as I intend to milk this new look for all I'm worth and get a lot of comedic mileage from it.

On a serious note, this minor surgery was for a basal cell carcinoma. The state of the art MOHS surgery was performed - not the end of the world - but if you can avoid it, why not. So please, avoid prolonged sun exposure and wear sunscreen. The majority of other patients I saw today, there for the same type of surgery, were having it on their noses - not a fun place to have surgery. So protect those protrusions, in particular!

Due to this minor hiccup, I have not responded to many kind comments on my last post "my transformative moment", nor have I left comments on most of the posts about amazing "transformative moments". I have read them (so inspiring!), and will return to comment when I feel a little more centered, a little less wonky, and don't need to hold an ice pack to my head - that should be tomorrow!

my transformative moment

Steven from A Golden Fish has encouraged his followers and readers to write about a transformative moment in their life, and post it Wed. Aug. 19th. (He is providing links to all those who participate on his blog.) Since I am going to the hospital early tomorrow, I had scheduled this post to appear on its own - but I think it is already August 19th somewhere - so here is the transformative moment I would like to share with you:

I was a robust nine year old girl, living in the suburbs of Toronto, having just become the proud owner of a new, red and white CCM bicycle. I'd had it for a few months, rode it enthusiastically every day, and it began to feel like an extension of my body. There seemed to be no lag time between my impulse to move and the bike's performance. It seemed to be connected to the internal command centre of my mind and muscles, and I loved to ride hard and fast while exploring nearby neighbourhoods.

There was a community adjacent to ours where there were very grand homes on wide, tree-lined streets, with graceful, manicured lawns that swept down to unpeopled sidewalks. The trees on each side of the street arched overhead, forming a canopy and creating chinks of sunlight and shadow on what seemed like my private touring promenade. I was happy as a lark to be speeding along, exploring alone, on my bike.

One day, out of the blue, I seemed to merge with the rhythm of the spinning wheels, the breeze on my face, the speed, the sense of freedom - - to a degree that I suddenly had this unfamiliar feeling of being connected to everything around me. Yes, I was infinitessimally small, and yet, in that moment, I just knew I, too, was an essential part of the greater whole. I sensed my place in the universe. I felt life coursing through me.


The only way my little mind could express this magical feeling was by saying over and over again: "I am alive." "I am alive." "I AM alive." "I am ALIVE." "I AM ALIVE." For that moment in time I had a felt-sense that I was more than the identity conferred on me by accident of birth; I was more than what I was learning; I was more than the expectations placed upon me; I was more than what I did or had. I was movement. I was breath. I WAS LIFE. I existed in time and space. I mattered. I belonged to the universe. I was pulsating in tune with it. I was alive.


I had sped my way into a felt-sense of beingness and connectedness. The boundless moment and I merged, and I felt expansive, free, in control, like I could "leap tall buildings in a single bound". A truly transpersonal sense of be-ing and BE-longing in the universe. "I AM ALIVE." danced and vibrated through every cell in my body. I felt as if were flying. I kept pedalling for all I was worth, not wanting the feeling of boundlessness to end.



Nine years old and the combination of the speed, the chinks of golden light shining upon me, the freedom, the sense of physical mastery, the solitude, all graced me with a transcendent moment that transformed my view of myself and my place in the world. I never told anyone about it. It was mine. It did not need to be broadcast. It did not need any adult validation. I knew I could trust the feeling. I did not know the word "transformative" then, but I did know something important had happened, and that I would never forget the feeling, the knowing, the connection of that "alive" moment.

What To Do When Fear Arises

In a recent post and comments the discussion was about courage. Of course, many of us talked about how our fears can hold us back from taking risks or being courageous. What is your default inclination when you notice fear arising within? Do you immediately stop, turn away, relinquish, give up?

Fear is actually a necessary signal from our senses that we are entering new or even dangerous territory. However, it is not necessarily wanting you to stop. Rather the fear is a signal that we need to pay close attention to our next move. We may be emotionally, spiritually or physically at risk. It may very well be that we should stop. However, it may be that all we need to do is to pay attention, assess the risks involved, and proceed with caution, remaining alert to what our senses tell us.

If we stop every time we experience fear, we will miss out on many new experiences and threshold opportunities. Take time to notice what your default inclination is when you notice fear arising. Is that what you want it to be? Is there another way to be or proceed?

One Cannot be Blue When One Looks at Orange

Marigolds

Nasturtiums

Macro shot of Nasturtium

Anais Nin Quote

Have you found this to be true? What situation in your life demanded the most courage? How did your life expand or contract in reaction to the courage you could, or could not, summon?

Have a Buddha-full Weekend

May your weekend be

mindful

free from suffering

full of wonder and gratitude

with offerings of loving-kindness to all.

"Vestments"

Continuing on my loosely threaded theme of the last several posts (collage), I thought I would show you the evolution of another of my first attempts. I rarely have a plan and rarely have any idea what the finished product will be. However, in this case I had some tissue-like paper with a stone motif and thought I might be able to make some sort of abstract resemblance of the stone arch I see beyond my kitchen window.






I prepared a background of rust on my canvas board and then cut an arch shape from the stone-like tissue paper. I worked around that initial image with applications of other solid colored tissue paper. When I did not like what resulted, I ripped it off - often only strips would come off, leaving other strips attached. When I did not like that, I took sandpaper to the piece to try and give it an aged effect. When I finally stopped my applications, removals, sanding, varnishing, etc. I ended up with the image below. If you look closely, you can still see the shape of the stone arch.





While it had started out wanting to be a stone archway, it now resembled religious vestments, and thus its name, "Vestments". My family approved of this one. Eh voila, a collage is born. Perhaps you see something other than vestments - and I'd love for you to share what you see.

Re-Member Me

I have noticed a tendancy here in "blogdom" to put our best foot forward in most of our posts. I must include myself in that group. However, for you to truly get an understanding of who I am, I thought I would just roll up my sleeves, flex my biceps, put my shoulder to the grindstone, dig in my heels, knuckle down, and just let you see how I can occasionally walk, skip and jump on the wild side.




It took some elbow grease to complete this collage (I nearly wore out my little fingers cutting all the images out of old Vogue magazines) and I did not get a thumbs up for all the effort from my family. Some among them actually gave me the cold shoulder, turning on their heel and saying, "Mom that is just creepy". One member of the family put their fist in their mouth to restrain their laughter. My husband asked if I had acquired some sort of new foot fetish to accompany my baby finger fetish.




I would truly give an arm and a leg for just a little positive feedback around here. Giving good feedback is a knee-jerk reaction for me, but I guess I will just have to throw up my hands and surrender to what is - and what is, is that an artist is never appreciated in their own time or family. My family members think only a crazy person could create such a hands-down quirky curiosity . . . and if I don't want to put my foot in my mouth, with objections, I concur.




By the way, the piece is titled, "Re-Member Me". Go ahead - tell me where you stand on this weird piece of work. I will not take it personally. I know you will be critiquing the work and not the poor, little person here on her knees, arms in the air with palms up begging for your approval.



Not. ;-)

Garden Blues (and mauves, and purples)

Delphinium - Black Knight

Lobelia

Miniature Pansies

A variety of Columbine

Clematis, Jack Manii

Veronica

These are all photos from my garden, taken over a span of the last two months. The clematis and delphiniums are no longer blooming. The Veronica is coming to its peak. It is accented beautifully by the lime green of the immature sedum blooms. I love the color blue in a flower bed and make a point to add it wherever I can. Hope you enjoy the cool colors of blue and purple.