caught in self-criticism?

Western culture seems to condition us to feel fundamentally unworthy. Perhaps that is what prepares us to be good, little consumers - ever searching for the thing that will finally mask our supposed flaws or prove our worthiness.

Our task, as an adult, is to examine and question our basic assumptions about ourself and refuse to get caught in self-denial, self-criticism, even self-hate. (BTW, manifestations of self-hate can be quite subtle.)

What would your life be like if you refused to allow harsh judgments about yourself to run rampant in your mind? Imagine the relief - the freedom to be, to give and to receive.

It seems to be a fundamental internal law that feelings of guilt or unworthiness demand punishment. If you believe you are flawed or guilty in some way, you will find ways to fulfill the "requirement" to punish yourself. Could it be that you find ways to deny, procrastinate or prevent your own good in order to punish yourself for being guilty of having normal human flaws? Remember, implicit in most advertising encouraging us to consume is the message that we are not good enough as we are. Why not declare yourself acceptable, lovable, and worthy regardless of any human flaws and frailties? (We all have them!) What is it that old song says - "try a little tenderness" - how about on yourself? It's time.

Columbine in Blue by Julie Magers-Soulen

This delightful photograph by Julie Magers-Soulen will soon be mine!

For her birthday Julie held a give-away challenge on her blog. The person who could guess her age, based on subtle clues apparent in her post, would win a print of their choice from her shop on Etsy. Well, I managed to decipher the clues and was selected to choose one of her prints. I chose this one - and you can see why. Thank you Julie!

Another of my current favorites of her photographs, "Golden Bliss" is featured today on her blog: http://juliemajerssoulen.blogspot.com/. Do check it out, the light in the photo is truly golden. But don't forget I'll be waiting for you back here. ;-)

experience as encrypted message

This quotation by Ralph Waldo Emerson (superimposed on a portion of one of my paintings) always provokes some personal inquiry for me. What message is my current life experience sending me? What ungrasped truth is encoded in what I am living? What lesson am I missing? What solution do my own actions hold, that I am not yet understanding? I always assumed that a skillful life would mean that awareness and understanding would precede action. (And, of course, sometimes they do.) But Emerson is suggesting that our actions and experiences may be an encrypted map to meaning and truth, and precede understanding. I think this is the hidden attraction of therapy. As we examine our life in concert with someone else, we sometimes break the code and finally get what our unique experience of life is trying to tell us. In fact, beyond understanding, Emerson says our "condition is a solution in heiroglyphic". The answer/solution, according to Emerson, is in the very life we are leading. We just have to slow down and examine it. Our life is our unique solution - what empowerment! Each of us is a mystery, and encoded in our present life experience, is the solution to our existential inquiries. Perhaps it is mindfulness that helps unravel the mystery . . .

water, leaf - that's all

The day after a rainfall, I discovered little beads of water, unevaporated, perfectly formed, acting as a magnifying glass, being cradled by a nasturtium leaf. Sheer simplicity. So delicate and exquisite to my eye.

Different leaves, different drops. Still delightful.

Time, circumstance, conditions meet. Voila, perfection . . . .

three paintings from original art studio

This painting entitled, "INKBLOT", (16 x 20 inches) was adopted (and given a new home) by dear friends Lucinda and Rob who live in Holland.


"WINTER MELT" (16 x 20 inches).

As a self-taught artist, I am experimenting with different styles and materials. This is a mixed-media piece entitled, "Riverscape" (16 x 20 inches).

hmmm - what's in a name?

In my quest to have a great blog, I decided I needed to be able to send and receive comments by Twitter. Since I do not have Twitter, I had to apply, and choose the name I wanted. Well, I wanted it to be the same as the name of this blog and of my Etsy shop, "Original Art Studio". So far, so good.

The thing is, Twitter accepts a maximum of only 15 characters in the name. So now my official name on Twitter is: "ORIGINALARTSTUD". I love it. ;) It tickled my fancy, so I decided to keep it!

If you receive a tweet from "OriginalArtStud", do not get too excited -- it's only me, bonnie, and not some fabulous artsy dude wanting to connect with you! Original Art Stud really goes well with my avatar too, don't you think? (Avatar/above photo by professional photographer, Marilyn Gherashe.)

Signed: OriginalArtStud a.k.a. OriginalArtStudio (bonnie)

art prints with quotations or text

Here are three of my latest creative endeavors. I am "photoshopping" some of my photographs and paintings to use as backgrounds for what I hope are insightful thoughts or quotes such as the one above from William Blake. The pink/mauve lobelia are in a hanging basket at the front of my house. This is available as an art print 5 x 7 or 8 x 10.







The background here was a painting of mine that I have tinted to a intense blue and added some of my own thoughts on personal perspective. As a practicing (love that term!) psychotherapist, I am enjoying the opportunity to share some insights that I have either learned from my clients, or that I have seen help them. Perhaps you will find them worthy of consideration too. This art print is available in two sizes, 5 x 7 or 8 x 10.





This is another of my paintings that no longer resembles the original, but makes a richly-textured, copper background for some thoughts on fear. So many of us, without realizing it, think, speak and act based on what our fearful ego is telling us. Once aware, however, we have the choice to take a deep breath and consider how we might approach the situation differently if we were looking at it from a position of compassion for life, self, and other.

"smear phenomenon" photographs

This is a recent print of mine with some zen-feeling words scattered over a "failed" photograph. This happens when the camera does not get enough light and the pixels pick up some of the color of the shot, but go wild and crazy with it. It is called "smear phenomenon". The operating instructions for my camera are explicit in saying it is not a failure of the camera - but of the photographer. The photographer has not created the right conditions for adequate light. I actually like the effect - looks like abstract art to me. I also have a sneaking suspicion that I am due for a new camera as I have had the "smear phenomenon" in full daylight conditions.

Another more colorful example of "smear phenomenon".



Love this example. Am mulling over how I will use it as a print.


What do you see when you look at these images? Intriguing aren't they? I am determined to do something creative with them.

shades

This is one of my paintings that I have kept for my own collection. It resonates on some deep level and I love it. You may see portions of it used as the background in some of my art prints for sale on Etsy.

no embellishments

These photographs are of some of the incredible "raw" materials here on our property. In this one, moss grows on a sizable piece of stone.

This is the trunk (turned sideways) of an old pear tree. Our neighbor who used to own all the land around here estimates that it is over 125 years old. Part of the trunk is hollow making a wonderful place for local squirrels to play hide 'n seek. In spite of being hollow it still is lush with leaves and produces a light crop of pears which the local critters eat with relish. I love this withered tree - it refuses to relinquish life as if insisting we see the beauty of its age. When it is windy, this old tree emits a sort of eerie, squeaky groan. Spooked me out when I first heard it! Thought someone was sending out a crippled plea for help. Children are both enthralled and wary if it groans in their presence, wondering if it is talking to them, or if a "monster" lives within.

Old field stones, rounded and weathered by the years. Like the trees they stand as silent witnesses to all the human lives that hurry to and fro around them.

Is this what moon rock looks like?

Another beautiful tree trunk, which I have turned only slightly sideways for this shot. It is one trunk of three, making up one tree and this trunk stretches out horizontally, leaning over our garden shed. When I imagine it falling and crashing into the shed, I try to remember the depth of roots which hold it in place. Great metaphor when we think of those who are a little "off kilter" among us.

first blooms for new bush

Two pink peonies on small new bush in same big flower bed as the white from previous postings. Luscious!

peony progression continues

Just had to show you peonies' blooming progression as begun in previous post. I will now try to cull out some, without affecting look of flower bed, to display in bunches in the house.

Pink peonies above are a new bush planted only last year. Think I still prefer the white. Love, love, love white flowers.

peony progression

Here is a group of 4 mature peony bushes on June 6th - buds full to bursting as they try to drink in the sunlight.

Two days later, June 8th some of the bud containers have split as they try to blossom

June 12th and buds could no longer contain the quest to emerge to full-blown peony destiny. Reminds me of the beautiful thought by Anais Nin: "And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

So many lessons and metaphors for life in nature . . . if we take the time to notice.

Today, June 14th many beautiful peonies are standing up at attention to benefit from the sun's rays. The perfume in the area could knock you over!

Ants love peonies, so if one is going to bring cut flowers into the house the tiny ants are part of the package. But they are quiet, polite tandem guests.

snow? . . . in june?

Each June, here in our little piece of paradise, we have what looks like snow falling and accumulating everywhere. Doesn't it look like an early autumn dusting of snow?


This white fluff is actually a cottony substance with tiny seeds attached that falls from our big old poplar trees.



This wooden bridge traverses a brook below and would have even more "snow" except that it rained last night and the rain tamps down the fluff. By next week things will be back to normal, but we will have some cleaning up to do! Trees are beautiful and we have many on our property, but we are constantly cleaning up after them - pollen, sap, branches, fluff, fall leaves, etc. But I am not complaining, I LOVE our woodland, hillside, terraced acre.

My husband and I refer to the property as "Camelot" because as King Arthur toned, " . . . in short there's simply not a more congenial spot for happily-ever-aftering than here in Camelot". It actually feels more like "Come-a-lot" because family comes most every weekend. I'll show you more of "Come-a-Lot" in another post.

Choose a new name give-away!

CHOOSE A NEW NOM DE PLUME FOR MY DAUGHTER, AFTER YOU READ ALL POSTS FROM JULY 6TH TO JULY 8TH, RE "CANCER - MY DAUGHTER . . . . . " AND YOU WILL BE AMONG THE QUALIFIERS TO SELECT YOUR CHOICE OF A MIXED-MEDIA PAINTING WORTH $100 USD. (You will need to read/scan all posts to understand why we are choosing a new nom de plume.)



These are two examples of mixed-media paintings that can be found on my Etsy Shop, OriginalArtStudio. There are several others there, which like these two are priced at $100 USD each. If you would like to be selected to receive one OF YOUR CHOICE, from any worth $100 in my shop, you simply have to read all posts about "cancer - my daughter" from July 6th to July 8th. COMMENT and in your comment select a new nom de plume to replace the nom de plume, "Brooke" that I chose to protect my daughter's privacy, and my that my daughter does not seem to like. If you mention that you have created a link to this give-away on your blog, your name will be entered TWICE. If you are not a follower yet and you become a follower - another entry! You may suggest one name per day until midnight EST, Sunday, July 12th. The name will be selected at random from all the suggestions submitted and extra entries granted. The recipient of the painting will be announced here Monday, July 13th at 9:00 a.m. EST. The "winner" will receive a painting of their choice of a value up to $100 USD from my Etsy Shop. So while waiting for the announcement you can check out the ETSY shop and choose which mixed-media painting of a value up to $100 USD you would like. If, per chance, the one you have your eye on sells before Monday, July 13 then you will be asked to select another. My artwork is un-framed, but the sides are finished so that if you choose to leave it unframed it you can still display it immediately on a mantle or art rail.

P.S. I just noticed that the above mixed-media painting is one I call Lavascape and it sells for $140. in my shop on Etsy. I mixed it up with a similar one called Sun Squared. So Lavascape is now included with the $100 works that you get to choose from! Good Luck to all.

"Choose A New Name Giveaway" Painting goes to . . .

Congratulations Jenn from "So Distressing". Your name was selected at random to receive the painting from my Etsy shop, OriginalArtStudio. Jenn entered the name "Hope" as the new nom de plume to replace the perplexingly unappreciated "Brooke" in my last 3 posts entitled "Cancer - my daughter . . .???"


I have left a comment on Jenn's blog informing her and am waiting for her to let me know which painting she has chosen. In the meantime, I will be changing the name Brooke to Hope in those 3 previous posts.

Thank you to everyone who submitted new names to replace "Brooke". Your suggestions were great. (The selection was, however, made not on the basis of the name, but simply at random.) Stay tuned for future give-away challenges.

okay, here's example #1 of NOT loving what is . . .

So . . . my daughter checked out this blog to read the posts about how I felt and dealt with her cancer "journey". In the last post, I shared how much we had been helped by following Byron Katie's philosophy of "loving what is" . . . Well . . . that's true . . . except . . . my daughter said, "Couldn't you have found another name than "Brooke" for me? It makes me sound like some adolescent, preppy cheerleader . . . So we love what is, but we don't love the name Brooke. I asked if she would have preferred "Gertrude" or "Hortense" . . . . . . . ( by now in the conversation we can hardly understand each other because we are laughing so hard) . . . and she suggested that I call her Nephertiti, Marie-Antoinette, Miss Piggy or Cleopatra . . . . I came up with Betty Boop or Lady Ga Ga. Maybe you have some suggestions????

Finally we did not settle on a nom de plume for her because we were just one-upping each other with silly names. So I think I will let "Brooke" remain as her name, for now, in those 3 past posts duly noting, however, her objections. So if you are going to read them try not to think of her as a Brooke, a cheerleader, or a preppy adolescent . . . guess she so loves what is (her real name and self) that she had trouble accepting what isn't. Huh? So, got that? Please substitute a name of your choosing for "Brooke" in the 3 posts about "cancer - my daughter . . ." LOL

Addendum: Didn't realize what a nice opportunity this would be to express my appreciation for your caring comments by creating a little give-away. So read the all posts on "cancer - my daughter . . ." from July 6th on, COMMENT, and in your comment come up with a name to replace "Brooke" (if that is your name, btw, please do not be offended. I love it. Somehow, it just did not click with my daughter). Tell me that you have created a LINK to this blog and I will put your suggested name "into the hat" TWICE. Tell me you have become a new follower and you get another entry. Then, click on my next post to see what the give-away is. It has a value of $100. USD. One suggestion per day, per person.



A suggested name will be chosen at random from among all found in the comments, and the person who suggested the name will be the recipient of the give-away. Since I am a new blogger and not well-known (yet), I will announce the recipient of the give-away on Monday, July 13, at 9:00 a.m. EST. That will hopefully allow a few names to accumulate! I will also change the name in the 3 posts about "Brooke" to the one selected by one of you.

Since I am having trouble commenting on some blogs please check back here to see if the name you suggest is chosen, and to make sure I can contact you to get your address.

have I stuck my heart in where it doesn't belong?

I've noticed a funny, little thing that has been happening to me with this blog. I am still googling the name of the blog to bring it up on the screen. However, almost every time I go to type in the name . . . I catch myself hesitating - waiting to remember the name. Huh? It is the same name as my Etsy Shop - so what's going on? Why does my mind balk at bring up the name of my own blog?

I thought about it and wondered if it was a signal (from me to me) that Original Art Studio is not the right name for this blog. I am not showing a lot of my art, I am not talking about fine art, I have not been featuring other artists as I intended. Yes, there are many forms of art and artistry. I am sharing my efforts at photography - yet the name does not seem to fit. I find I want to write in this blog more than create a gallery of my art.

I want to keep the same avatar, and I want to make it easy to connect the name of the blog to the name of my etsy shop. But WHAT is the fact that I can rarely recall the name of the blog telling me? Well, "change it, dumb-cluck" seems obvious! Being new in the blogging world, (oh! you couldn't tell :-) I wasn't sure what would happen to the blog if I changed the name and I realized I was risking all the links, amazing interest, and credibility already created on google. Anyway, while in a sleepy stupor late last night (accent on stupor), I changed the name to something I thought would still relate to my Etsy Shop, OriginalArtStudio. I renamed the blog: "Original Heart Studio". (So cutesy, putesy!) Late at night it seemed appropriate, sincere, romantic, revealing - but this morning - not so much. My rational was that since I am trying to speak from the heart here (truly, I am) . . . maybe it would describe my intentions more accurately. So I changed the name everywhere I could find it in the blog. I kept the word, "original", because using it here and at Etsy is the only way I will ever be . . .

Now when I sign in, sometimes I get "Original Heart Studio", and other times "Original Art Studio". In my latest check in - I found a mixture of the two. Hmmmmmm. I actually felt a sigh of relief the time I checked in and everything was back to the original name. Phew, not exposed as a flake after all! I figured Blogspot had rejected my efforts to remake the blog - and that, too, might be a sign.

All that to say, I think the blog is now really reflecting my essential quirkiness. Sometimes its one thing - and just when you think you have it figured out - it becomes something else. I hope you can bear (I really, really wanted to type "bare") with it. (It tickles me to think of you stripping down to read my blog.) Let me know if quirky blogs, this one in particular, annoy you; which name you prefer; and if you really think I should just go and jump in the lake. (Well, I only have a rock-filled stream - so remember if you tell me to jump in the lake - it could result in serious injury . . .)

In the meantime, until I figure out what I want, we will all have to bare with (or is it bear with) whatever is written up there in the header, etc. ;-) Oh, btw, I am considering starting a recovery group called: "Quirks Barely United".