The following is an excerpt from David Richo's book How to be an Adult in Relationships, where he speaks on this theme of things we cannot change:
"Saying Yes to the Things We Cannot Change
~ we pay for growth with suffering
Jung suggests we say an unconditional yes to the givens of existence without protest or blame . . . thereby affirming:
~ Everything changes and ends -- yet can be renewed.
~ Suffering is part of growth -- yet we keep finding ways to bring good from evil.
So those are the things Richo says we cannot change and must learn to accept, even embrace. What is your reaction to what Richo has to say? Which of the givens has been the hardest for you to come to terms with? Which have you been able to accept or embrace?
Of the five givens on Richo's list, I have had the most trouble with things changing and ending. Perhaps too many endings have made me a bit ending phobic. I now realize that I occasionally brought things to premature closure in my unconscious attempt to prevent being surprised by an ending.
I have learned to manage my aversion to endings with mindfulness practice, accepting what is and working with what is. Sometimes my inner child quakes at the anticipation of an ending, but I have learned how to shift into my centered, adult self who is more equipped to handle them.
In an upcoming post I will introduce you to Irvin D. Yalom, M.D. and his take on the existential givens of life. He names and defines these 'givens' from a much broader, more academic perspective, which I believe you will find equally interesting and challenging.
David Richo, Ph.D., M.F.T., is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer who emphasizes Jungian, transpersonal, and spiritual perspectives in his work throughout the United States. He is the author of several books. (Two are mentionned above.)