Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I remember when . . .

I remember when:

I believed I would live forever
I thought there would always be time
I thought I could eat whatever I wanted
I thought I could burn the candle at both ends
I thought aches and pains were the domaine of the elderly
I thought cancer was just a word with which I would never have to concern myself
I thought life would always be an upward spiral
I thought I would always be loved and protected by my parents





I thought everyone I loved would always be there
I never imagined I would have to deal with betrayal
I thought I would be able to travel anywhere without fear or constraints
I didn't question my prejudices
I thought I could trust what the experts and the media told me
I thought I could think my way out of any problem
I thought I would do great things
I thought I would never have regrets
I hoped my mother would understand
I thought my father would, one day, come home





I thought people who liked to garden and watch birds must be bored
I thought I could control my life
I never thought about ageing or death
I never imagined I would spend time in a hospital
I thought I could make everything perfect
I assumed life would be fair
I thought I should stifle my questions
I bought fashion magazines and liked to shop
I thought there was only one truth
I didn't know my mind, body and spirit were one





I thought my life was worthless if I got a bad haircut
I wondered if my head was screwed on right
I thought I could keep my children safe and free from suffering
I thought it was a waste of time to sit still
I didn't know that what I put in my mouth affected the planet
I was prepared to accept all the blame
I was told I had to be good, and knew I was never good enough
I did not realize this moment, right now, is enough


I remember when:
I finally woke up

                                                                                                       ~ Bonnie Zieman ~

66 comments:

  1. Very profound thoughts Bonnie.....that could possibly wake others! I was touched myself by your words!

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  2. BRAVO! (applaud, applaud, standing, applaud)


    S

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  3. Beautiful, Bonnie! Did you write this? I absolutely love it. Life teaches us so many lessons. It can become so difficult at times. I think that we have childhood for the purpose of putting hope and idealism in our hearts. In youth we believe all things are possible. We learn through life experience, maybe not...but it's all okay. It can all be used for good.
    Thank you for your gift of these words today, Bonnie :) This was very special!

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  4. This is wonderful, there are so many great thoughts in it...very profound. I was going to tell you a couple of my favorite lines but they are all so good!

    much love

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  5. OK, I was floored by this. I was waiting for the by-line at the end, thinking it was written by someone like Gandhi or Emerson or C. S. Lewis. Once again, I am deeply impressed. And, of course, glad that I am here again.

    EFH

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  6. ChicGeek: Thank you. Yes I wrote it and your comment prompted me to sign it! Yes, it hurts at the time but as you say a part of our learning process and what makes us who we are.

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  7. Expat: I'm glad that your are back again too. I missed you. But you are making me blush. If I had only known this piece could be good, I would have spent more time on it. Maybe, I'll rework it for a better rhythm one day. Thank you for your encouragement.

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  8. Now that was beyond amazing. I thought the same things.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  9. Powerful words Bonnie. Your wisdom is sound and I thank you for sharing!

    Cheers!
    Julie
    Julie Magers Soulen Photography
    Blog of Note

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  10. Hi Bonnie

    as I read this I thought what a great find you have made - this person really expresses our feelings so well - and now I know that you wrote it it makes it even more potent. I like this message because it is both personal and universal.

    thanks Bonnie

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  11. This is a compelling list of the many ways we bind ourselves to suffering.

    When we fully wake up to the present moment, our past unskillful habits of mind attract very little (if any) of our attention: Being fully awake to the present here and now is wondrous and completely engrossing.

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  12. You have summed up many truths of life that we all seem to wind up learning the hard way. Brilliantly done on your part. My question is, how is it we manage to be so naive in the beginning? Thanks for the wonderful effort.

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  13. Amazing, Bonnie. I am glad you signed it. I was wondering all the way through!

    So many people are inclined to steal another's work. I knew you had gifts. WOW.

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  14. Renee: Each of these relates to a specific situation or feeling in my life - but I knew they were not unique. I hear these things as themes in others' lives all the time. I am not surprised you have been there, done that Renee!

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  15. Delwyn: Well, that was my goal - to share more of myself on a deeper level without boring you all to death with all the details. That it strikes a universal chord is very satisfying.

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  16. Dan: Oh and how we can 'bind ourselves to suffering' with unskillful habits!! It takes a while, for me at least, to realize that the change had to come from within.

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  17. Linda: I was so naive because as a child I thought my mother was a 'god' and willingly imitated her patterns. I also believed what I was taught by our religion - which led to many erroneous and unskillful patterns of thought and action. It took a while to disentangle myself. But I did, and that is proof anyone can do it.

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  18. Wow! Yes being awake is being in the now...we just did not know...great photogrpahs and even better prose.
    Sherry

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  19. So many great feelings summed up in one poem. I love it, Bonnie. :)

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  20. We have got a lot of waking up to do indeed. A very deep post. I liked the bit about body, mind and spirit. This is a field that has been unfortunately polluted by pseudo-science and faux-New Ageists. And yet, we need that nexus much more nowadays than ever. Many thanks for such a beautiful post.

    Greetings from London.

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  21. Bonnie, this posting is absolutely FANTASTIC! GENIAL rendition of life in a nutshell!I'm IMPRESSES!
    Gabriela

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  22. Funny Bonnie.... I was going through old emails the other day, and came upon one similar to the one you've written here, and just posted it today, called The Awakening. Your words are so very poignant, beautiful, and true. Here's to living a wakeful and authentic life.

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  23. I've learned a few of those lessons in recent years. Some of them were easy, most of them were hard. And some of them I'm still learning, or will never learn, no matter how hard the universe tries to teach them to me.

    This is beautifully written.

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  24. Profound & Powerful words, thoughts and feelings, Bonnie! Thank you for sharing this part of you!

    Beautiful!

    ...sorry, I've been scarce, but hope to peek in more often...have a great week!
    ~Calli

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  25. Q: Thank you so much.

    Sneaky Momma: Thank you.

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  26. Cuban: So true. Candace Pert, Ph.D., who has done research on the information receptors in all of our cells, claims that our body IS our subconscious mind. The split the West has built between mind and body is such an erroneous one.
    Thank you for your comments!

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  27. Gabriela: Thank you. It is a lot of my old life, in a nutshell. I just wrote them down as they came to me - and could have included many more.

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  28. Jayne. Thanks for your comments. I read your post of The Awakening - much more comprehensive than mine. Wish we could figure out who the author is/was.

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  29. Jeff: Thank you. We are all still learning - and that is beautiful, don't you think?

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  30. Calli: Thank you so much. I actually just threw these thoughts together, so am quite surprised at the reaction they have produced. They certainly don't come close to the prose and poems you write - but they do represent many of my life experiences so they are meaninful to me.

    You did warn us that you were taking a bit of a break - so it is a delightful surprise when you pop in!

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  31. Bonnie, this was very profound and moving. I agree with Cuban's point about New Age-isms although that movement has served to wake a lot of people up to the connection between mind and body.

    This is a minor little point, but as I started to read it, I was struck by the visual geography of the poem - how each line expanded from the previous one so symmetrically. I don't think you need to rework anything....

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  32. Deborah: You are so kind. Aren't the Comment sections of our blogs invaluable? We (I) think we are offering something up to the blogosphere, yet we receive so much more in return in the comments. I have much to mull over now from all the gifts left here.

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  33. I assumed you were quoting someone and was impressed to find your byline. I liked the self-realism of it all, the lack of saccharine sentimentality. The last line was the perfect resolution, otherwise it might have sounded too cynical.

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  34. Sarah: I agree. And I have to admit that I like to be led somewhere and then be surprised that I end up somewhere else - and like to do that in writing to . . . It is as if the reader gets a jolt to wake up from their assumptions at the same moment they learn I have awakened.

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  35. All I can say is..... wonderfully fantastic. Another BRAVO.

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  36. Sandra: Ahhh, thanks. Just finished reading the poem you posted today. Am trying to digest it to comment . . . will do later.

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  37. I love it! Now I know you can say I remember when because you have a little age and wisdom behind you. Don't you wish that we could have a semblance of this seep into our children's hearts and minds so they would understand how fleeting a moment can be? I daresay tho, that you can understand this because you have experienced almost every single one.
    Kudos to a well written post!!!

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  38. Alicia: Thank you. Yes, each one relates to a space I inhabited at some point in time. I think the work entails becoming aware, owning or taking responsibility for where you are, - and only then can you move beyond it, to the joy of knowing you are good enough and each moment is enough.

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  39. Innocence lost, but wisdom gained! Very profound, Bonnie! Your thoughts challenge us to think beyond the box!!! Love this! ~Janine XO

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  40. All I can say is ME TOO, over and over again.
    I too have woken up.

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  41. Janine: So nice to see you are 'out and about' again in the blogosphere. How are you feeling?
    Thanks for your comment - much appreciated.

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  42. Friko: Hurrah! We're awake - and it may mean we feel pain a little more but we also can now feel delight, joy, excitment, our creative impulses, curiosity, etc. etc. Turns out we need to be awake to be truly alive! Thanks for commenting Eva - I mean Friko. :) :)

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  43. And what was thought was just that - 'twas not your TRUTH 'twas not your BEING - the illusions, the veils lifted and Bonnie remembers when she "woke up." And I, we, in gratitude for such a shared awakening. You are loved dear Bonnie.

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  44. Thanks for visiting, Bonnie. But, no, we live here. We love winter: cat walkies on the ice is a great ritual!

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  45. Rose Marie: You sum it up so beautifully - as always. These were the veils and the illusions. We all have to cast them off to see who we really are and always have been. As you say, they were never my (our) truth.

    I often think how therapy is not the adding on of new truths, but rather the stripping away of the illusions - and that's what you have named for us in your comments.

    How dear you are. How dear you are to me Rose Marie. Thank you.

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  46. Jenn: Sorry to have you all packed up and moving - thanks for setting me straight. I'll need to know where to find you to join you for 'cat walkies on ice' in MUSKOKA. Got it! Thanks. :)

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  47. This is one of the most beautiful work I have read in some time. Just divine.

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  48. StormSage Central: Thank you for stopping by and leaving your comment - come again soon!

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  49. powerful words. even though you woke up, you do great things, each time you post. big smiles.

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  50. Amazing writing, Bonnie! It says it all -

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  51. Bonnie, you poem really moved me but in a true and lighthearted way.
    What age does for wisdom... hey
    I once I thought people who liked to garden and watch birds must be bored too.
    Now i totally get it.

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  52. Yes.... Those were the days!! a very nice read

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  53. I loved this Bonnie..so very true..it made me tear up! Wow wonderful hon!! Thank you!
    Hugs, Sarah

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  54. Wow. Double Wow. So many truisms in there. They could apply to all of us. A very, VERY moving poem and POST. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.

    BTW, I LOVE the elephant picture.

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  55. Great thoughts Bonnie. True on the waking up but still, some of those thoughts...to me have been a necessary part of the journey ♥

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  56. Bonnie you are the gift for awakening x x x x mary

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  57. Came across this poem as I skipped around your blog. Made me gasp - just so "spot on" for someone my age. Wow. Love your photography and I am a "newbie" to poetry, but what a richness I am slowly learning to uncover!

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  58. I created my first, probably ridiculous, poem after reading this one. I also linked the readers of my blog to this wonderful poem of yours.

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