Tuesday, August 18, 2009

my transformative moment

Steven from A Golden Fish has encouraged his followers and readers to write about a transformative moment in their life, and post it Wed. Aug. 19th. (He is providing links to all those who participate on his blog.) Since I am going to the hospital early tomorrow, I had scheduled this post to appear on its own - but I think it is already August 19th somewhere - so here is the transformative moment I would like to share with you:

I was a robust nine year old girl, living in the suburbs of Toronto, having just become the proud owner of a new, red and white CCM bicycle. I'd had it for a few months, rode it enthusiastically every day, and it began to feel like an extension of my body. There seemed to be no lag time between my impulse to move and the bike's performance. It seemed to be connected to the internal command centre of my mind and muscles, and I loved to ride hard and fast while exploring nearby neighbourhoods.

There was a community adjacent to ours where there were very grand homes on wide, tree-lined streets, with graceful, manicured lawns that swept down to unpeopled sidewalks. The trees on each side of the street arched overhead, forming a canopy and creating chinks of sunlight and shadow on what seemed like my private touring promenade. I was happy as a lark to be speeding along, exploring alone, on my bike.

One day, out of the blue, I seemed to merge with the rhythm of the spinning wheels, the breeze on my face, the speed, the sense of freedom - - to a degree that I suddenly had this unfamiliar feeling of being connected to everything around me. Yes, I was infinitessimally small, and yet, in that moment, I just knew I, too, was an essential part of the greater whole. I sensed my place in the universe. I felt life coursing through me.

The only way my little mind could express this magical feeling was by saying over and over again: "I am alive." "I am alive." "I AM alive." "I am ALIVE." "I AM ALIVE." For that moment in time I had a felt-sense that I was more than the identity conferred on me by accident of birth; I was more than what I was learning; I was more than the expectations placed upon me; I was more than what I did or had. I was movement. I was breath. I WAS LIFE. I existed in time and space. I mattered. I belonged to the universe. I was pulsating in tune with it. I was alive.

I had sped my way into a felt-sense of beingness and connectedness. The boundless moment and I merged, and I felt expansive, free, in control, like I could "leap tall buildings in a single bound". A truly transpersonal sense of be-ing and BE-longing in the universe. "I AM ALIVE." danced and vibrated through every cell in my body. I felt as if were flying. I kept pedalling for all I was worth, not wanting the feeling of boundlessness to end.

Nine years old and the combination of the speed, the chinks of golden light shining upon me, the freedom, the sense of physical mastery, the solitude, all graced me with a transcendent moment that transformed my view of myself and my place in the world. I never told anyone about it. It was mine. It did not need to be broadcast. It did not need any adult validation. I knew I could trust the feeling. I did not know the word "transformative" then, but I did know something important had happened, and that I would never forget the feeling, the knowing, the connection of that "alive" moment.


  1. It only takes a moment to have an epiphany...and around the age of 9/10 that seems to be a time when we are most ourselves, most open to receiving information that is vital to us. Sounds like a blissful moment in time for you.

  2. bonnie - that sensation of deep connection at such a young age must have been amazing and then to carry it knowing that it was good all on its own without the need for validation!!! this is a beautiful piece of writing that i hope readers really spend time with if only because i think that people do experience extraordinary senses of connection to the all of everything, but tuck it away or look for someone to say something that trivializes it. thanks so much for this bonnie. steven

  3. bonnie, what an extraordinary piece of writing about an extraordinary moment - I see sherry lee has already used the word epiphany, but that was the first word that came to my mind on reading your words. I think you must have been a very special nine-year-old, not only to experience this moment but particularly to realise its value. And then hold it safe for yourself.
    Thank you for sharing this, it felt like being there with you and that was a privilege.

  4. Wonderful capture of a momentous transformation.

  5. Bonnie
    What an incredible celebration of being alive. Powerful post

  6. Oh how amazing is that!! Honestly for a moment I was afraid you were going to say you got hit by a car!! So relieved it was a beautiful moment!
    Wonderful post!! Namaste, Sarah

    Will have to think on this one... that transformtive moment....

  7. Hello Bonnie

    I love your post

    There I was on my new red Raleigh pedalling as fast as my little calves could pump through the suburban streets of Christchurch, eyes streaming with the wind in my face...and the freedom in my heart...

    and all of these feelings that you have so effectively described...

    thank you soul sister...

    Love Delwyn

    Happy Days

  8. A beautiful description of a transformative moment Bonnie. One I can relate to on many levels.

    Thanks for sharing.

  9. Your words are themselves transformative - I too, feel the exhilaration, the lasting euphoria, the expansive self of "a robust nine year old girl," in her total knowing, in her "boundlessness."


  10. beautifully written - thanks for the food for thought too....hmmm

  11. I remember a similar day...but not being so aware of what it was at the time. An exciting read.

  12. Wonderful post Bonnie. I loved it.

  13. Oh, I certainly connected here! I adored that rush of freedom and flight from riding my beloved bicycle. Wonderful post.

  14. Nicely written and beautifully expressed - thank you!

  15. Such a powerful moment for any age and especially for a 9 year old. Thanks for sharing.

  16. This is wonderful evocation of that sense of 'oneness' or 'flow' that movement can bring.

  17. Sounds like a moment of pure joy.

    Love Renee xoxo

  18. Just echoing the words of others - a beautiful vibrant post.

  19. So young and still so close to Spirit. What a blessing!

  20. WOW! Nine and you felt this. I don't know that I have ever felt this. I wish I had.

  21. This is an incredible insight, or gift, (both), for a nine year old girl to have ... beautiful...

    I remember how I felt about my bike, how it was my trusty Stallion ...thank you for bringing that feeling back.

  22. wow. what a beautiful moment in time that i am sure altered your life from then forward. amazing post.

  23. Oh Bonnie, I've only just seen this post; It is quite unbelievable (and please, I am NOT getting in on your act) but I have had a moment almost exactly the same, riding my bike, albeit as an adult, all on my own, in the wide open landscape of the lower Rhine plain, under a lowering sky and with a strong wind driving the clouds high above me in the endless sky.
    I too shouted out I AM ALIVE over and over.

    Now that you have reminded me I must write it down, maybe also in a post. Forgive me, if I do, I am NOT stealing your thought, you have simply brought it to the forefront of my memory.
    Thank you.

  24. That feeling of knowing, just absolutely knowing that you are ALIVE is incomparably wonderful. Your amazing ability to put that feeling into words of such resonant lyricism is truly a gift with which many of us are not blessed. Beautifully written, beautifully expressed. Thank you for sharing that moment, Bonnie.

    And thank you too, for visiting my blog and for your generous and kind comment. It is lovely to 'meet' you! I know I'm going to thoroughly enjoy reading more of your recent posts - and a visit to your Etsy shop is definitely on the cards!

  25. Hey Bonnie, that waas a wonderful post.

    I have not been on a bike since a was 12. I then went to Holland; with the wonderful Dutchman! I in true Dutch form, was made to get back on a big Dutch bike! It took a while to get used to it, but i, like you, had this moment of pure bliss...the wind in my hair, taking my feet off the pedals while going so fast...memories came flooding back... Thank you for explaining it so well, and for sharing such a fabulous memory.

    Emma x


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